What exactly is a normal first memory to have? As I get older I realize that normal isn’t a word that best describes one of mine. I must have been around five or six years old, as I was living in Rancho Cordova at the time, lying in my room at night being tortured with thoughts of my dad ‘s truck being smashed by a speeding car as he drives away from my house. I remember he drove a tiny grey truck, although I could be wrong about the color, as my memory is pretty much shot. My parents were divorced and Sunday was our day together, every Sunday night he would pull into the driveway and take me home in time for The Simpsons. Anyways, in case it wasn’t a strange enough thought for a child to have, I took it to another level by having a counting ritual to combat those scary thoughts. Let’s see if I can recall what I did…I started with 1 and pictured the number in my head once. Next, obviously, was 2. I would then picture the number 2 twice in my head two times, so on and so on. As I was only 5 at the time, the numbers would end up just confusing me until I became okay with taking shortcuts that I couldn’t even begin to explain today. Now that I think about it, that had to be the start of my weird sleeping habits. God, is there a thing about me that isn’t odd? Easy answer to that question.
I can’t decide if the sad part is that I thought this was totally normal behavior for someone my age or that I was a child plagued with these thoughts.
This also has me questioning whether ocd is something you are born with or does evolve over time?
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